3x6 spin-off 13-2 Miria's sorta reviews FFXIII-2

                           3x6 – 13-2 - spinoff Miria's reviews
~…in which Miria sort of reviews and totally spoils the ending to Final Fantasy XIII-2.~

"Hey Miria, what's all that dramatic "No" in your game?" said Galatea waltzing into the room, with a Viennese coffee.

Miria turned to her looking as stoic as always… "JRPG cutscene." and then pushed the coffee table to Gala with her leg.

"So… the girl died." Gala looked over at the screen to see our JRPG hero holding a girl in his hands and caressing her face gently.  "I'm sure it's temporary…"

"I wouldn't be so sure…" said Miria, as the cutscene then switched to a portal spreading darkness over the in-game world and then credits roll.

"What the?" said G.

"Your ice cream coffee thing is melting…" said Miria.

"Wow… they totally killed off the girl and doomed the world. Talk about a downer ending.  Not only is Romeo grasping to Juliet's still warm, yet breathless body… but the world collapses in on itself. I guess it's not all sunshine in JRPGs." the blond took a bite of the ice cream.

"Well actually he's not her lover." replied Miria.

"Well… how did they call us, before we got together? Sexual tension partners?" snickered Gala.

"No... Actually she has a fiancé… who she was supposed to marry 2 years ago. But… he didn't." said Miria thinking about something.

"Why so?"

"Cause first she got turned into a crystal… and then he went on a crusade to find her sister… and then she time-traveled 500 years into the future, where she died… But they totally loved each other."

"Wait… this is an RPG and all. But they did have premarital sex, right?"

"I don't think so, cause… Wait why are you even asking about this?" Miria turned to her lover.

"She was in another guy's hands just minutes ago…" remarked Gala, while licking a spoon.

"He was her… time-travel partner and nothing more. Also she's dead now, so no love triangle." Miria glared over to her lover. "I don't like love triangles, remember?"

"…yeah. So… why did the world end?" Galatea did know how to switch the topic.

"Oh that… Time Paradox."

"They stepped on a prehistoric butterfly or killed an ocelot in the 60s?"

"Actually… " Miria was lost in thought for about 6 seconds "They totally brought this on themselves."

"Whatever do you mean, vengeful goddess?" said Gala reclining in her chair.

"You with me on this? Ok…" incoming exposition dump from Miria "They had to fix the timeline to save the future of year 700 from a catastrophe happening in year 500."

"Oddly round numbers… But go on."

"So the boy from year 700 went back to year 2 and recruited a magical girl. Together they time traveled through various times and tried to fix everything by resolving paradoxes…basically taking objects from wrong time periods to their right place and et cetera."

"Yeah… time warp dance and that stuff. Go on… it's fascinating" Gala lazily continued on her Viennese coffee.

"So in the end, they're at this timeless place and they averted the catastrophe that would end the world and they're like… Oh gee-whiz, all the paradoxes are solved, all of the time gates are closing. We must return back."

"And…" Gala was listening, despite not really caring.

"And the boy from year 700 and the girl from year 2… both return to year 500. That in itself is a paradox! And the guy they killed totally screwed them over by having them kill a Goddess by killing him by proxy."

"Well that's a plothole… Or rather it would be if they didn't get screwed in the end. So Miria… another terrible game at an end." said Gala holding back a yawn.

"Are you kidding? I loved it. The dark twist doesn't necessarily make it good. But the game overall was good. I learned how to play poker."

"You learned how to play poker from a Final Fantasy game?" Gala wasn't expecting that.

"Yeah… Now I'll just wait for the sequel," said Miria.

"Oh… wait. This game is number XIII-2? Will the sequel be XIV-1, XIII-3 or XIII-2-2?"

"It's called... Lightning Returns: Final Fantasy XIII. Because Square Enix screws sequel numbering when it feels like it."

"Speaking of screwing up numbering… How about some 3x6?" said Gala in her flirty tone, reserved for special occasions.

"Huh?" Miria almost had a visible question mark over her head.

"Want to resolve time paradoxes about time disappearing in our bedroom? I'll be your fiancé time-travel partner…" she crawled over to Miria's couch

"Great Scot! I-is that a badly handled proposal?" Miria even dropped her controller.

"Don't ask questions… you'll cause a time paradox."